How do I love my husband again?

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, 2 kids under 3yrs old. I am a stay at home mom with very little extra income (which goes right back out again with small bills). My husband never helps with the kids, has changed maybe 4 diapers in 3 years, and has never gotten up with them at night. Most days I have to beg him to hold one kid while I help the other. When I do that he starts talking about how he came home to relax and it's my job to take care of them. Needless to say, we fight constantly. He says I am too sensitive, but I don't think getting upset when he calls me names, puts me down, or undermines my authority all in front of the kids is being sensitive. We do make efforts to improve our relationship and it has gotten better over the years. But I feel like there are still so many things that he does that hurts me, I cant ever begin to tear down the wall that's formed between us. Yesterday a whole new wall went up, didn't even have to put it in brick by brick- it was preformed! A couple months ago we fought about me going out and having some alone time away from the kids. we agreed that I could have a couple hours once a month to get away. I've never asked for this, even though I've needed it. This past week I've been trying to get some "me" time but he hasn't been available to help. Yesterday, I had both kids asleep and he was snoozing on the couch. I grabbed my shoes, coat, purse, and told him I was going out for an hour. He flipped. He decided that he was going to leave and that if I left too, it would be my fault the kids were left home alone. Tried to talk to him and remind him of our past agreement but he wasn't hearing any of it. I, of course, started sobbing and walked away. A little later he came to me and told me I was being a crybaby and that I could leave if I wanted to, but I had to go now and I couldn't be gone long. I had been sobbing for the past 20 minutes and was in no shape to go running out the door so I had to tell him no. Am I really too sensitive? Should I just have waited? Would it have made a difference? I want to love him but he makes it so hard. He took away my freedom- that resonates deeply in me. I am not a child. How do I get past his words and day to day things, how can i ignore it or become ok with it? I am not asking rhetorically- I want to really know. If I try and talk with him about things of this nature, he will tell me to either quit bi***ing or "there's the door, if you don't like it, then leave". How else can I tell him how much he hurts me? What will make him see my side?